I’ve got many friends who are in the personal development world and it never fails, they will send me a message when I am in mediation. Mediation, with lawyers, and a mediator. A long and usually successful way to resolve a case. I will send back, “I’ve been in mediation for …. hours” and get back a reply, “Wow, how can you sit still for that long?”. Everyone knows that mediation can help with litigation, but so can meditation.
If you are new to meditation, then you can find millions of references to it with any internet search. There are books, Youtube channels, magazines, and dozens of apps.
I’m not qualified to teach you how to, but I can tell you why it is such a help during litigation.
- When you are dealing with a divorce or really any kind of litigation you will have a lot of voices in your ear. Your family, your soon-to-be-ex (or ex), your friends, possibly your kids, and of course, your lawyer. It can be a confusing time. Who do you listen to? I have one client with so much anxiety over, “What could happen?”. I have tried to tell her that worrying over things that may never come to fruition is a waste of her energy, but she’s joined Facebook groups for divorcing women and she brings me the worst stories. In meditation, you will be able to clear your mind of the noise.
- It helps you feel centered. If you are going through a domestic situation, then so much is up in the air. How much money will I have? When will I see my kids? Will I be able to find a house I can afford? How can I pay off the debts and pay child support? And on and on. It is overwhelming. After being a divorce lawyer for so many years, I have seen people find solutions and “make it” time and again. Yet, when you are in the midst of it, you can’t see that. Just going within will reveal to you, “You’ve got this!”. It really is going to be ok.
- It helps you focus on the present. When clients want to know, “What should I be doing?” most of the time I say, “keep being the best parent possible to your children. Be respectful to the other parent. Stay calm.” People, especially the very intelligent people divorcing in Madison County, want to be prepared (yes, that’s for you engineer types). Don’t lose sight of living your day-to-day life.
It helps reduce symptoms of all kinds of medical issues. To include, depression, anxiety, and other stress-related medical problems. I’ve seen people lose their job during the litigation process because they can’t concentrate at work. Incidentally, it helps you concentrate as well.- It helps increase patience and tolerance. Divorce can make a client’s blood boil. I can remember when I got divorced 20 or years ago, I was so angry when I would read letters from my husband’s attorney. How dare they?! I have some clients who go ballistic over the process. “Why are they asking these questions? Do I have to give them this information?” and on and on. Yes, the process can cause you to feel irritable and stressed and just generally pissed off. Meditation can help.
- You can make better decisions when you are calm. I’ve referred to this before, but decisions made in haste from an emotional state aren’t as well reasoned. I’ve been in mediation (see what I did there?!) and a client made a hasty agreement. Even though I advised against it they wanted it over with. Did they regret it later, yep.
- It can help you heal. This is not legal advice, (Hey, did you know I’ve got a podcast of the same name?), but healing is a process you shouldn’t overlook. You don’t want to go straight from one horrible situation to another. Or be so traumatized you give up on love altogether.
- It can help you think more clearly. Your lawyer needs you to be the best you can be. If you can’t think through what’s best for you, we can’t either.
- It is much better than some of the pursuits I’ve seen occur during divorce. Stalking on social media, gossiping about the case on social media, plotting how to “get back at them”, drinking too much, and partying. None are good for your case or your life in general.
- It’s a practice that will benefit you far after your litigation. For all the reasons above and more.
I find that the litigation process, while filled with challenges, can be a lot easier if people are getting the help they need to deal with the emotional backlash of divorce. You may not see the direct benefit to your litigation process, but I promise you, it’s there.
